Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
