oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
