I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
