I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
