I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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