Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
