paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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