he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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