May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
