it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
