You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
