my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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