You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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