At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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