Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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