she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
