What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
