I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
