apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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