Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
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