he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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