i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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