What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
