my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
