Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
