I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
