Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
