You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
