Define "chronic" masturbator.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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