i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
