Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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