nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dicks are not precious.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
