So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
