the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
