I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
