guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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