Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
