She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
