three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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