this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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