Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
