I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
