omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my sisters under your porch take her home
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
