I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
