I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
