I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
