Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
