What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
