you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
