I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
