whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
