it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
