why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
