...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
