First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
