dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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