you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize