I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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