Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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