I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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