my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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