Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
