U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I need water and some morals
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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