mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
love makes seman taste better
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
