All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I smell like Dick and happiness
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
