Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
