Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
