Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
