I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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