Your dad touched me again.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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