dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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