I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
