I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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