i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
