well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
