Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
