did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
