need another drink. this is the easiest way
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
