and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
