you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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