If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
