so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
In America we eat man semen.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
